The pseudonym Luke is 33 years old and has found himself at a crossroads in his life. His nearly 10-year marriage is coming to an end – much to his dismay – and, as an American living in Ireland, he feels the sudden and heavy weight of loneliness. Although he already has a son, a 10-year-old daughter who now lives with his ex-wife, Luke says he can feel the time passing by on his possibility of having more children. “I see being a parent as changing your life,” he tells me. “My daughter already forces me to be the best I can, so having more children would show me more expectations to be even better.”
Because he doesn’t trust his dating abilities and feels “too old for any drama that might arise” from fledgling romantic relationships, Luke is trying an unconventional dating method: a Reddit group that makes it easy to play. He is one of nearly 20,000 members of r / BreedingR4R, which connects people or couples who have vaginas who want to have children with sperm donors. And while some seek fairly anonymous sperm donations, either through natural or artificial insemination, others seek real relationships based on child rearing. Luke is looking for the latter. “I’m looking for a reliable teammate who can support their weight,” he explains. “I’m not ready for a romantic relationship, but if the feelings develop [on my end]I hope they are reciprocated “.
Although he only joined the subreddit two weeks ago – and posted his first post this week – Luke has already spoken to five women who have expressed an interest in reproducing with him. Unfortunately, none of these connections worked. Of the five, two were looking for long-term relationships, two were likely scammers, and the last woman and Luke “amicably established that [they] they weren’t a match.
While a breeding-specific subreddit (an underground sperm web, if you like) might seem unusual, the community moderator, an England-based IT professional in his 50s, says it’s actually no different than other dating apps or more traditional connections – the only caveat is that it is “for people who want their businesses to produce children”. In that sense, it’s probably no different from apps like FetLife, which explicitly caters to those interested in casual sex, polyamory, and kink (though breeding is, admittedly, a less sought-after fetish). In fact, like the dating app marketplace, r / BreedingR4R isn’t the only community that caters to its specific niche – other subreddits that match hopeful parents include the less popular r / spermdonation and r / SpermDonorMatch.
However, r / BreedingR4R seems to be the most requested choice, which may have something to do with how it runs. “I created this subreddit because other groups dealing with this field were poorly managed and infested with people posting to get attention or money, like trying to refer people to OnlyFans,” explains the moderator. “Moderation doesn’t stop everyone with not serious intent, but it limits blatant abuse of the subreddit. At the same time, we allow for a “fun” element in the advertisements. “So-called” advertisements “in the subreddit vary: some are more overtly sexual and include an NSFW photo or video along with a caption such as” I am trying to be caught and raised in the ‘infinite. I would like to have creampies. Others are more sweetly candid, detailing the background, hobbies, and reason for joining the poster group – these often have headings like “Looking to Start the Next Chapter”.
Some posts seem to come from couples looking for nothing more than sperm donation, with one couple describing their need as “strictly business, not pleasure”. Given the staggering price of IVF treatment in the United States, which can cost anywhere between $ 12,000 and $ 25,000 per attempt – it makes sense for people to seek out more clandestine methods of obtaining donations, even if it means undergoing natural insemination (in fact, for many, this is the advantage).
However, despite there being dozens of new posts per day, the moderator tells me that while there are some happy endings, “it’s fair to say that the success rate is low”. He suggests that this may be partly due to the fact that “the ratio of males to females is highly unbalanced,” with women posting many responses, while men not receiving many. In a thread asking for success stories, most of the people who responded said they didn’t do any breeding via this particular subreddit – some claimed they met people without conceiving, while others found out they were scammed before. to meet or have had potential partners withdraw at the last minute. Many men have suggested that they have been successful as donors, but through other sites or sources.
However, although the search for Luke continues, other male members seem to have a bit more luck, even if it hasn’t always led to procreative breeding. 58-year-old Danny (not his real name) from England has been involved in the subreddit since it launched in November 2020 and has already had several in-person meetings. “These interactions went well,” he tells me. “But I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.” Danny had sex with one of the women he met, even though she didn’t get pregnant, instead the relationship became a “random arrangement of friends with benefits”.
Like Luke, Danny already has children of his own – even though his are all grown up – and he’s using r / BreedingR4R as a dating site, in some ways, but with the ultimate goal of having more children. “I’m looking for a subreddit relationship because it’s affordable,” he explains. “Attract the kind of women who match what I’m looking for.” What Danny is looking for is a woman aged 25 or younger who will ideally move in with him – although he is willing to negotiate other co-parenting arrangements – and she will be the mother of his next two children. While he’s looking for a relationship, Danny’s latest post in the group comes with a “clean” and “dirty” explanation of his desire for him, exhibiting the sexual gratification he only gets from idea of breeding. He details his desire for a woman to let him “fill her fertile young pussy as often as possible [his] cum “so she can” enjoy her growing bellow “and share her” nice milky boobs “with their baby.
To be clear, this isn’t just a male fantasy. Apparently, many women in the group may want to get pregnant without the baggage of a relationship and are equally excited by the idea of being “raised”. 22-year-old Valerie (although she’s not her real name) tells me that her participation is “just a whim” and that she sees her chances of actually finding someone to reproduce with as “extremely low”. If she were able to meet someone in person, she would have gone through with it, but she would have simply “bones and dives”. “It’s like sperm donation, but with sex,” she sums up. “Fairly legitimate if you ask me.” Other women may simply seek a sperm donation, for example if they are in a same-sex relationship, their partner is infertile, or if they just want a baby on their terms.
However, although fertilization is the goal of many members, it does not mean that everyone wants the responsibility of being a parent. Even if Danny does, he also wants to indulge his passion for breeding. “Like virtually every other sexual act, unprotected sex is also a known sexual fetish or perversion,” agrees the moderator. “So people may want the thrill and pleasure of being a donor without necessarily wanting the end result.” For men, continues the moderator, it is often a question of “having offspring and being a success in evolutionary terms” but “without the financial burden and commitment that having children entails”. Because of this, some posts in the group are from people who have birth control, or whose current or past partners are – one guy even complained about the loss of his breeding partner, a woman who had an IUD, so ” they weren’t playing with a real risk. Many others, however, are looking for a sex that leads to real pregnancies, without the typical relational structures that raising children entails.
In these cases, how do non-binding sperm donors ensure they are evading legal or financial liabilities in the future? “In most countries, unless you go through a clinic, you are responsible for child support and are legally the biological parents,” explains the moderator. “However, people can choose to be fairly anonymous with each other if they wish.” Sexual encounters could occur with neither party declaring their identity, which means parents may never need to interact again. This is not unlike IVF protocols, where the donor’s identity is often protected.
Of course, many people in the group are looking for children And relationships, such as Luke and Danny, who both want to be involved in the lives of their future children. For them, it doesn’t make sense to waste their time on more traditional dating sites when they can specifically interact with women who are ready to enter their own stage of life. As Luke concludes: “Taking a chance on someone serious enough to commit to having a child [seems like a good way to find someone] seriously about a potential long-term relationship ”.
At least that’s one way to do it.